The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.- Mark Twain
Monthly Archives: June 2013
Last night my sister asked me if I’d ever been depressed. It wasn’t a direct question, but rather one of those topics that came up from a random side conversation that had strayed sooo far off track that neither one of us knew where it had started. I am really close to my sister, I still live with her and I’m 21, so I’d say were closer than most. And yet…she had no idea that I had been depressed. If you Google writers and depression then you will see that most famous writers have struggled with depression at some point. Whether it’s a chemical difference in our brains, or if it’s the let down that we have to face after being in our own paradise while writing and coming back to the harsh reality of life, I’m not sure. Either way, writers are far most likely to be depressed than the average human. My father was a councilor who specialized in mental disorders so to him, I was broken and needed to be fixed. Therapy was hardly what I would consider an enchanting experience. I knew all their tricks having learned them from my father, so it was like trying to perform magic on a magician, it simply doesn’t work. One therapist was at a complete loss when he asked me how I handled my anxiety and I told him I was already doing the exercises that I knew he was about to suggest.
All talking about my problems did was make me think of them even more (I have severe OCD) and it would make my depression even worse especially considering I couldn’t really identify what was wrong with me. Then one day I decided there was nothing WRONG with me. I was depressed, and that was okay. That’s who I was, no one could change who I was. I have since found OCD meds that also make me able to be depressed without obsessing about it, so I am content with who I am. I’m not a super happy-go-lucky person who views the world as a beautiful rainbow. My writing would be utterly boring if I was. I can see people for who they really are including myself and while some people may view this as ‘mental’…well I would have to say I am happy being mental then!
(Emily is sitting in the gardens after a fight with James.)
The roses were in full bloom plucked and pruned into a beautiful array of contrasting colors. Normally I would admire, or at least envy their exotic collection of flowers of every imaginable hue, but I sat in the grass unmoved by the beauty. The roses themselves were stunning, but they were deceiving just like the notion of love itself. You try to pick the tantalizing rose, only to be pricked unexpectedly by a thorn that the rose had been cleverly hiding. It never meant for you to be able to pick it, it just sits there the picture of perfection, so tempting, and yet so unattainable.
“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind
“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.”
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own
When do you come up with your brightest ideas? At night when your alone and can think without the stresses of life? Or during the chaos of the day when your not actually thinking and it just comes to you? I was organizing my garage the other day with my mom and I started laughing. She of course asked why since we hadn’t been talking, and I was collapsing boxes, hardly an amusing task. I had come up with a witty conversation for my book that was hilarious enough to laugh at while in a dusty dank garage, and I couldn’t help but think maybe I am truly insane. Ever since I was a small child I would come up with fantastical tales and enamored my fellow peers with the outlandish stories. I think my family assumed I would grow out of it, but no matter how much I tried to stop it because it was ‘unnatural’, my mind would continue against my own will with the stories developing the characters and plots over years until I would write them down. Even now I still go back to them with new ideas that pop into my mind at seemingly random times during the day. I have scoured the internet to try to find an article showing differences in writer’s brains compared to a normal person’s brain, but haven’t been successful. I couldn’t imagine a president sitting there and thinking of a book idea, and I couldn’t see myself being president, so whether it’s a brain difference or difference in my soul, I will never be free unless I am doing what I was meant to do, and that’s write.
Okay so I’m editing my book still smoothing out details and adding more scenes, but my brain is kind of going numb so if anyone needs thoughts on anything they’ve written just let me know. I am by no means a professional but it can never hurt having a fresh set of eyes look over something you’ve been slaving over! I’m working on reviewing Frankenstein right now, but once I’m done I want to read some stuff by new authors.
Highly recommend if your into dark stuff, It’s not for the faint of heart! I spent hours after I finished the book trying to decide what I thought of it truely unsure, the images of the ending stuck in my head with absolute clarity as if it had been real life. I got my baby out of his crib and brought him to bed with me and finnaly got some half awake, half asleep shut eye. I would definetly not suggest reading before bed because you simply can’t put it down and the ending is powerful enough to keep you awake. The plot is nothing like the intricate plot I expected taking a backseat to the town’s drama, but this is more of a tale from the worlds best story teller then thriller. Not all will like this book, and while she might have ‘said’ she expected universal approval, I highly suspect she wasn’t holding her breath. This was a story that touched on just about every taboo subject in the writers field, throwing out conventional restraint and telling it like the grittty story it was.
I think casual vacancy is a fitting title for this book, but what would have been a better title is SHOCK. It’s not a murder mystery, and while it has a lot of dirty words in it, it doesn’t have any in depth descriptions of sex, though it does glance over it a few times so not at all like I was expecting. It’s a gritty book that covers every immoral aspect of human life that you can imagine and paints it in a horrifying picture of how low humans can be. I always envisioned her as a happy, rich, easy-going person….but I also think good writers draw on maybe not real situations, but real emotions and fear and let me say this book is DARK. Not much is said about Jk Rowling’s childhood, but I think I’d rather not know now. I was trying to find info on her past but the only correlation to the dark subjects in her book that I could find were her fears of something happening to her daughter when she was young, a fear that is definitely embodied in her book. I think back to Harry Potter with its beautiful, fanciful imagery, but in the end it was about an abused child who had a maniac after him…not exactly bright sun shine and lilies. Some people have gone so far as to say she couldn’t have wrote Harry Potter if this is what her new book is like, but the last two books. Of the HP series got pretty dang dark, it could only go so dark being a kids novel, but casual vacancy didnt have this limitation. What was most shocking to me was that one of her character’s was a cutter…when I was into fanfiction I read a story with cutting in it and was horrified enough to not only remember the story but remember thinking what JK. Rowling would think of this, but if her new book is anything to go by I would have to say that would be the way it would have been if she didn’t have to think about parents flipping out on her. She has had a rags to riches story, but everyone seems to forget the rags part, she hasn’t always lived in a mansion in the best part of town, she was living on government funding at one point, and so it only makes sense that she would know a lot of dark people. Some of the scenes with drugs I was left shaking my head wanting to ask ‘and HOW do you know this?’. Gone are all my preconceived notions of a happy-go-lucky JK Rowling, in with the reality that she’s a literary genius who has a human and dark side like everyone else, She’s just not afraid to show it!
No under 18’s allowed…
Okay so I have mentioned before that I waited with baited breath for the release of JK Rowling’s Casual vacancy only to be unable to read past the first few pages. I do this with a lot of books having always struggled with a short attention span, but to have done it with Jk Rowling’s new book that I waited sooooooo long for..it was heartbreaking. I gave the book to my employer never wanting a good book to go to waste because I couldn’t finish it, but now I am severely regretting the action and have every intention to take the book back to read. I have read online that most people can’t finish the book so they gave it bad ratings, but I found a site from someone who finished the book, and now I have no choice but to read it. By adult book, she meant ADULT book, apparently it has plenty of smut in it and by scandal she really meant scandal. I assumed that some people would get stabbed in the back or something, but no she meant like sex scandal! It has words that I wont even blog, so I’m posting a link so you can see for yourself. Now, I have never been into that kind of book, but for Jk. Rowling….author of the beloved Harry Potter books to write a murder mystery porno…now that’s something I have to see! For all the reviews I read on it, no one ever said anything about this! I will have to give a review once I retrieve it and finish it, my boss is going to be like OMG when she realizes I not only bought such a book, but gave it to her, then took it back… But I have to read this for myself!