Last night my sister asked me if I’d ever been depressed. It wasn’t a direct question, but rather one of those topics that came up from a random side conversation that had strayed sooo far off track that neither one of us knew where it had started. I am really close to my sister, I still live with her and I’m 21, so I’d say were closer than most. And yet…she had no idea that I had been depressed. If you Google writers and depression then you will see that most famous writers have struggled with depression at some point. Whether it’s a chemical difference in our brains, or if it’s the let down that we have to face after being in our own paradise while writing and coming back to the harsh reality of life, I’m not sure. Either way, writers are far most likely to be depressed than the average human. My father was a councilor who specialized in mental disorders so to him, I was broken and needed to be fixed. Therapy was hardly what I would consider an enchanting experience. I knew all their tricks having learned them from my father, so it was like trying to perform magic on a magician, it simply doesn’t work. One therapist was at a complete loss when he asked me how I handled my anxiety and I told him I was already doing the exercises that I knew he was about to suggest.
All talking about my problems did was make me think of them even more (I have severe OCD) and it would make my depression even worse especially considering I couldn’t really identify what was wrong with me. Then one day I decided there was nothing WRONG with me. I was depressed, and that was okay. That’s who I was, no one could change who I was. I have since found OCD meds that also make me able to be depressed without obsessing about it, so I am content with who I am. I’m not a super happy-go-lucky person who views the world as a beautiful rainbow. My writing would be utterly boring if I was. I can see people for who they really are including myself and while some people may view this as ‘mental’…well I would have to say I am happy being mental then!
MirrorScript 
June 26th, 2013 at 6:50 pm
My own Father had the nerve to tell me to “Snap out of it”. He didn’t seem to realize (even though he’d been a nurse for 30+ years) that severe depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. I didn’t CHOOSE to not want to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t CHOOSE to not enjoy the wonderful things in life, and I certainly didn’t CHOOSE to be on a cocktail of five different meds a day.
I have good days and bad days, but I have noticed that, when I write, I feel pretty good. It’s only after I quit for the day that I start to get a little down. I think you’re right about coming out of our fantasy world and into the “real” world. Frankly, the real world kinda sucks.
June 26th, 2013 at 7:35 pm
Yea that seems to be the attitude a lot of parents have with children. As if it’s a choice and the kids are being disobeidient or something!
June 26th, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Being content with who and what you are is the best thing around. I suffer panic attacks when riding in a car, so for the past 11 years I’ve hardly been out of the house. But this past March I grabbed the bull by the horns, so to speak, and am slowly conquering this without meds of any sort.
June 26th, 2013 at 7:33 pm
I admire you for being able to handle it without meds, I know that’s not an easy thing to do!
June 26th, 2013 at 8:20 pm
It’s not easy and it is scary, but damn it, I won’t let this beat me any longer. 😀
June 26th, 2013 at 9:02 pm
That’s good! Don’t let it get you down, and never underestimate yourself because your amazing!
June 26th, 2013 at 8:32 pm
In college I had to take several philosophy classes and in one the teacher had us read a book (couldn’t tell you who wrote it or what it’s called), but the author described this very thing. How artists, and in particular writers have a very hard time with depression because they suffer from the ability to see the world as it really is. To see all the good and bad and to be able to experience it well enough to translate it back to people. He said that when we (aka artists) take ourselves out of the world that everyone else lives in, we become separate. He said that this occasionally happens to people but more so in artists and it’s very hard to re enter normal life/society which is why artists are more prone to be depressed. And I thought it was brilliant and has a lot of truth to it. Of course, maybe it isn’t the sole reason for depression, but I know it always plays a factor in mine…I just found it fascinating.
June 26th, 2013 at 8:45 pm
It so makes sense! I think it’s a mixture of factors that causes writers to be so similar to each other, but our great imaginations definitely contributes to our constant lack of interest in the surrounding world. What’s in our minds is so much more beautiful and perfect then the cold reality of life.
June 26th, 2013 at 9:43 pm
I agree. Our ability to be completely honest and to really see things for what they are…and what they could be. And the knowledge that things aren’t always actually as wonderful as we can imagine them. It very much makes sense.
June 27th, 2013 at 12:44 am
Beautiful!
June 27th, 2013 at 9:59 am
It could possibly be OCD, I myself love how sunglasses look but can’t wear them because I have to fiddle with them endlessly. Dose she do anything else like washing her hands a lot or do anything weird when anxious? I don’t know what I’m currently on (I’m allergic to most so I’ve had to try a lot.) But I know antidepressants like zoloft are supposed to work if traditional meds arnt working for her.
June 27th, 2013 at 5:34 pm
My psychologist says that I’m a little OCD, but nothing that can’t be handled with talk therapy. For my depression, I’m on a cocktail of Trazadone, Lamictal, Wellbutrin. I’ve also been prescribed Ambien for when I can’t sleep (my brain goes on overdrive, and I can’t control it sometimes), and ativan to relive panic attacks. My regular doctor prescribed Cymbalta for me for my fibromyalgia pain, as well as Lyrica. All of this seems to be working pretty well. I don’t have as many “spells”, as I call them, where I can’t get out of bed, have shooting and burning pain, and anxiety about things that happened 20+ years ago.
June 27th, 2013 at 9:35 pm
I use melatonin to help me sleep and it puts me out like a light. I’ve never been able to find an ocd med that will quiet my brain down enough to let me sleep. The good thing about this is when I’m trying to fall asleep I try to plan out the next scene of the book I’m working on and ill dream about it and get a good feel of what I’m gonna write!
June 29th, 2013 at 10:31 pm
Afterglitter, ive had fibro about 10 years and been thru E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. out there; I know how hard it can be when those around you don’t always get it….if you need an ear I’m here (♡) gentle painless hug xo 😀
June 30th, 2013 at 8:40 am
Awwww thanks 🙂
June 30th, 2013 at 2:43 pm
Thank you. That’s very sweet of you. It’s so hot outside right now, and it hurts so much. I came on for a few minutes, but I have to go right back to bed. Thank God for an understanding husband and nice people like you.
June 30th, 2013 at 7:03 pm
Awww your lucky to have a good guy! Koda’s dad is hardly understanding or kind so treasure your man if you have a good one!
August 2nd, 2013 at 8:56 pm
Love this post (and your blog, btw). I agree with the fellow commenter that artists are faced with this particular challenge. It does have its benefits, as you’ve touched on: the amazing capability to see the full spectrum of humanity and accept everyone for who they are, most of all yourself.
(Good luck with your book!)